Psalm 42
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
6 my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8 By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
It’s pretty embarrassing when somebody catches me talking to myself. Maybe it’s when I’m doing a project around the house and I complain at myself for not being able to hit a nail straight; or maybe it’s when I’m trying to write a blog and I tell myself how dumb I am for not being able to think of the right word to use. But sometimes when I talk to myself it’s with words of encouragement, like after I finish a workout and (though it feels arrogant) I silently proclaim “Man, I killed it today” or as I eat the brisket that took me 12 hours to smoke I proudly tell myself “This is pretty dang good.”
Here’s reality: we talk to ourselves constantly, proclaiming “truth” to our souls. Sometimes this “truth” is actually a lie, and other times it’s actual Gospel Truth. And it’s often hard for our hearts to tell the difference.
Sometimes I tell myself how alone, unlovable, incompetent and worthless I am. Lies.
Sometimes I tell myself (not in a personally prideful way) that I am a man of value, promise, ability and love. Truth.
Here in Psalm 42 the Psalmist (the sons of Korah) lets us into his inner thoughts; the things he is experiencing, feeling, thinking, saying, fearing, hoping. I want to pull out a handful of truths that we can apply to our real, everyday life. Especially when there is fear, strain and pain (like right now with COVID-19).
Be Honest
Jesus has no care for your buttery religious platitudes. He did not come to pat you on the back while you shallowly proclaim that you are “too blessed to be stressed.” Now, I do know (and struggle with envy) those who have a super optimistic and faithful outlook, and really aren’t (often) struck with anxiety and fear. This isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about how the Lord longs for us to be truly honest with the concerns, pains, fears, doubts, vices, tears and wailings in our life. (He also wants to hear about the sweet joyous things, but hold onto that thought for a second). Enough of the “I’m fine, how are you” conversations we have with ourselves and with Jesus. Dig deep, like this Psalmist, and cry out that there are waterfalls and waves crashing over us, and it feels like we are going under; it feels like our Lord has forgotten us; it feels like we are alone, out life is over, futile, wrecked.
But don’t stop there…this is just the beginning of hope and healing.
Talk to Yourself
Sit in the pain and fear. Try to actually hear the enemy that is trying to convince your heart that you are overcome, and then talk back. Begin to have a back and forth conversation with that broken part of you that is hurting. This Psalmist, when he is feeling overwhelmed, turns to his own soul and says “Why are you downcast?” He says “He little guy, what’s going on? What are you REALLY afraid of? What’s making you hurt?” I think he sits and listens to his little broken soul, and then he calmly, truthfully and hope-fully whispers love into his soul. He tells himself “Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him!” I don’t think this is a directive to us but a directive to himself! It’s not something weird or magical, but a practical way to be honest with what’s happening inside your heart, and letting the Holy Spirit speak Love into the weak and hurting places.
(HERE is a tremendous podcast by Church DeGroat to help explain what it means in times of anxiety to honesty “talk to yourself” in a hope-filled, productive way.)
Memory Work
The practical work of finding this hope is wrapped up in this one word: “Remember.” Over and over and over and over God tells his people to “remember.” God’s people would set up stones and monuments to that, when later generations would ask about them, those who have gone through the Red Sea and Jordan River would remind themselves and others that God’s rescuing steadfast love has never ever ever failed. When the armies attacked; when they were enslaved; when hope seems to have been lost, God himself “remembered” his people and rescued them (No, God never forgets us, but “God remembering” is a literary device to comfort our hearts as it reminds us that we are on His mind, and He longs to save us).
So, what about you? How do you do this? Amy (my wife) knows how much I need this in my everyday life, so she bought me a simple spiral notebook for me to write down what is happening in my heart. It’s not really a diary, but a place where I jot down little words and phrases. My personal way (we can each do it differently) is to have 2 simple columns: one that says “Thankful” where I just write a word of what I am thankful and the other says “Helpful” where I am asking for God to come intervene (I include confession in this columns).
Ultimately, the very best Memory Work and Self-Talk I can do is to hold onto 42:8
8 By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
Look at the verse more closely. The LORD himself is talking to himself. Even though God is Love itself, he “commands” his HESED (his Steadfast Love) to overwhelm and overcome us. When it feels like the waterfalls and waves are crashing over, it is actually God himself and He steadfast love surrounding us.
Jesus himself allowed Death itself to crash over him; the Father and the Son both went through the cross-centered pain and strain of being “forsaken” so that, even when this world crashes around us, we have a Father that will protect and hide us under His wings. Jesus has secured for us our perfect Home and perfect Family that will never perish, spoil or fade.
This by no means minimizes the reality of pain, hurt and true threats around us. But it can, the Spirit’s power, put them into eternal perspective. Very very slowly, prayerfully, graciously, God’s love can begin to eclipse our anxiety. Our anxiety may (likely will) still be there, but so will our realization of our Loving Father.